Two -isms

Someone asked me how I can be so cynical and yet so happy all of the time. I think it is a strange optimism. I expect the best out of everyone and everything and when the notion gets shattered by reality, as it always does, a part of me drifts on the winds of cynicism. It doesn't make me any less happy, cynicism can be quite gratifying. I'm like a puppy that gets upset at the ball when someone puts it under the cup only to pee myself in excitement when the cup is moved.

The other reason I am usually happy, is the fact that I choose to be so. Too many people wake up in the morning and curse life. I wake up and taunt death. No really, I actually do. Some of my more recent taunts have been leaning over the edge of the steps to put up a smoke alarm before my first cup of coffee and frying a pound of bacon and waving the incredible aroma in death's face while finishing off every last piece, all the while, humming, “You can't have any!”.

My optimism is undying, “next time”, I think only to realize next time is a permanent expression. I commuted to New York City for thirteen years. If that didn't dampen my optimism, nothing will. When Frankie said, “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere.”, I think people misunderstood him. He was actually saying if you could physically get there during rush hour, there was no place on earth safe from you.

I digress.

Why am I always happy? I pay attention. Life has always provided great amusement. Sometimes I play the hero and other times the clown. I don't take the time to worry which one or when. I just go with flow and enjoy. I can always look back on my life at the times when I thought I couldn't go on; time and understanding have always healed my wounds and proven me wrong. I am optimistic that going forward will not be any different. Being happy is a state of mind, being disappointed is a condition of life, being able to navigate the valleys in between, well, that's where I use cynicism to be my guide.