Ride Like the Wind, Die Like an Idiot.

      Sunday morning is bowling morning.  R., the kids and I try to go every week.  This past weekend the girls were at their moms, so I had to pick them up on the way to the alley.

     Well, I like bike riding as much as the next person, maybe even more so.  It is one sport that you really can’t screw up at.  It’s like walking with pedals on your feet and thanks to almost 200 year old technology; gears spin, wheels move and forward momentum is obtained.  At least, I thought you couldn’t screw it up.  I was proven wrong. 

     On the way to pick up the kids, a swarm of people on bikes invaded the roads.  It was a bizarre group, of about 50 differently dressed riders.  None of them understood the bike laws of NJ or cared about their lives.  The fact they were wearing helmets was ironic, as falling on their heads may have actually improved their intelligence.   Swerving in and out of traffic on a 45mph. road, they brazenly made left turns against traffic like guppies floundering through a school of sharks.

     As I turned down the road to pick up the kids, I figured I would lose them.  That worked until I got back on the main road and a trailing group of riders had caused a seven car deep and growing traffic jam. Someone didn’t get the memo that you can only ride two abreast and only if it doesn’t impede traffic.  As we got to a traffic light, they had all huddled together in a mass of spandex, helmets, stupidity and gears.  When the light turned green, they were too busy talking, so I honked the horn.

The guppies woke up annoyed and started to give me a dirty look.  I mouthed out, “Side of the road” as I cut harshly around them to avoid oncoming traffic. I decided to change my route as I saw an idiot induced traffic jam further ahead.

     I try not to wish harm on anyone but if one of those bikers accidentally ran into another one causing a chain reaction of face falls into the pavement, I definitely would not have minded.  Kind of like if a policeman in Tinton Falls would ever decide to do his job and cite those bikers on the many laws they were breaking that day, I would have actually wished him well too.

For now, I can only hope karma and sperm killing biker shorts catches up with them and saves future society.

     P.S. Ok, so today I was driving to the mechanics, to have my car worked on, and saw a school bike ride in process.  There was a teacher in the front, twenty or so kids in a line after him and a teacher or supervisor bringing up the rear.  I guess there is hope for the future.