All my local friends, who were single, are no longer single. I'm the last one standing. This causes a number of problems. My female friends' new boyfriends aren't happy when a single guy hangs out with their girlfriend. My guy friends' girlfriends don't like them hanging out with the single ex-wingman. Lastly, going out with a 'couple' more than once in a while makes you a flat third wheel.
In light of this, I decided to join a dating site last week. Thought hell, why not, friends have done it with some success, how hard could it be? Day one, try signing up for match.com and it wouldn't take my credit card. I should have taken that as some cosmic foreshadowing, but I'm really not that bright. I called up customer service and my card goes through. They explain that if I do not find someone in six months, they will give me the next six free. Wow! So if it doesn't work in the first six months, They somehow think the second six will render MUCH better results. They give you stats on everything else on the site, nowhere are there any stats on that.
I set up my profile, wrote a quick summary of me and what I do. Now it's time to put a picture up. Well, I'm the photographer. Always being behind the camera means I'm very rarely in front of it. There is a reason I'm not in front of a camera. When I was younger, I thought I was the ugliest person in the universe. Why, because I am so 'not photogenic', my good side is from below. I really thought I looked like I did in the majority of the pictures until a photographer friend convinced me I really wasn't that bad and took a good picture of me. I'm not saying when I saw it that I was the best looking guy in the world, but I was far from the worst. Short story long, I downloaded a picture I took when I was dabbling in other dating sites a year ago, one that looks like I was posing and shocked to be photographed, at the same time. I figure, what the hell, the women will be pleasantly surprised when they see me in person. I look better than I do in that picture and I can always change it out.
That leads to Thanksgiving night, I have a friend take several pictures of me. I think, now I'll have a good picture to put up on the site. OK, somehow I forgot how 'non photogenic' I am. The best picture out of the dozen or so makes me look like Farsworth from Futurama, if I lost the facial hair and added some wrinkles. No matter, up on the site it goes.
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| Farnsworth |
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| ME |
It's time to start searching. I punch up women in my area 36-42 looking for a 41 year old guy. Wow, this looks great, a whole bunch of hits. Now it's time to play the odds game. Click on the first one and the profile looks really good. Hey, this computer dating thing isn't so bad. Attractive brunette, 39, 5'0, cool profile. That is until I get to the, 'HER DATE' portion. Her date according to her profile is 5'11 or better. Really? The guy needs to be at least 11 inches taller than her? OK, that's only the first, profile. Number two Age 38, cute brunette, 5'2, interesting profile, Her Date 5'10. I continued on to several more ladies and the majority of them are looking for a guy at least six inches taller than they are. Wow, I've seen stripper heels that wouldn't make up for those differences. To give reference, I'm 5'6¾ . I put down 5'6 for my profile until a friend explained the whole rounding thing to me and I changed it to 5'7.
Now, I can understand if your athletic and want someone athletic or are into a particular hobby and want to make sure your potential dates are also interested in that hobby, but to say you want someone that much taller would be akin to me saying, must be a super model with d-cups.
After some thought, I talked to several friends who have done the internet dating thing and what they said, shocked me. The women said that the men they dated all lied about their height, so I should too. The men said that I should not only lie about my height, but use the term 'laid back' in my profile because the women all like that. Some men claimed most of the women on dating sites lie about their age, so it would be OK for me to 'exaggerate' things. All agreed that nobody looks like their pictures anyway and the profiles are just a game. Huh? So to find someone who I expect to be honest with me and in turn someone who expects me to be honest with them, we both lie? I already stated that I'm not the brightest guy in the world, but I don't think that's a real good start for a relationship. If that disqualifies me from dating women who do, then so be it. Maybe this internet dating thing is hard.
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