Just Breathe

Tonight was the annual Christmas pageant at the girl's school. The church was filled to the brim. I watched as each grade went and sung their carols. Lizzy being in the younger class came on before Emily. As Lizzy got on the stage, I could see that she was nervous. Her grade sang quite well. Lizzy sang her heart out, but the butterflies in her stomach seemed to be flying around her face. As a parent it is tough seeing your children in those positions, the learning positions that prepare them for later on in life. In a smile of irony, I remembered the anxiety and fear that I used to have speaking and performing in front of people. I saw my face in hers and remembered looking out upon the crowd of parents, staring, laughing and whispering in screams.

I wanted to scream out to her “BREATHE”, she looked as if she had forgotten how to do that. I know I did, when in boys cloths, on that stage, so long ago.  Lizzy is a lot like me when I was younger. She can be painfully shy. Seeing through her eyes, I remember the fear and anguish, but also the relief of getting through it. Part of me laughs when seeing her nervousness, knowing that the butterflies will die in time and with practice.

After several more groups, it was Emily's grade's turn. As much as Lizzy is like young me, Emily is like older me. She fortunately was smarter though and didn't have quite as long of a learning curve. Emily's performance could be summed up in two words, “Bored confidence.”. She looked as if she had done the songs all her life and the routine was wearing on her. She didn't smile much except for a few times during the Christmas sock song.

This would be her last pageant, her last year in grade school. To her I wanted to scream out, “Cherish these times Emily, these memories will be buried under makeup, study, friends and boys.”. How bittersweet, our young moments often get lost, only to emerge in our older minds; time capsule filled memories dug up when least expected. Then I thought to myself, “Wait, Emily and boys? Just breathe, Reed, just breathe.”.