Where Are You Christmas?

I'd like to say I haven't been writing in a while for some cool reason; like I'm really Santa Claus and needed to take a couple of weeks off to settle a union contract dispute with the elves, that will probably bankrupt Christmas in five years. Unfortunately, as most of you probably know, I'm not Santa Claus. In reality though, the scum bag unions will bankrupt our country in another five years.
I digress.
This is not a union rant, I'd need start a whole other, “unskilled workers blog” for that. As is, I have a long backup of regular blogs from the past few weeks. This current blog is about my Christmas. Though not currently affiliated with any particular god (still looking for sponsors), my mom and my kids are Catholic, so we do Christmas.

Now for my background. As a child I was raised Catholic, went to Parochial school and had a Jewish step family. We celebrated a lot of holidays. Christmas has always been my least favorite. It's not just the commercialism. It's not 'good' Christians, killing their neighbors for the last widget 3000 at the mega mall or racing out of the church parking lot like they were running from God-zilla. It's the phony-ism of it all. Christmas has gotten to the point that it is not even a Christian holiday.

December 25th is an arbitrary day, well not really arbitrary (Actually believed to be Saturnalia in Roman times.), just not historically correct.
There are all the stupid reindeer, snowman and snowflake decorations. Like these people aren't cursing their beloved snow when it comes and they're shoveling out their car.
The insane traffic consisting of “Kangaroos”, women with an SUV or minivan pouch filled with screaming sugar induced brats while talking on the cellphone to a like person about the blah blah that she got at blah for only blah blah blah over her credit limit.
The 400th rap remix of, 'The Drummer Boy'.
Answering the advanced physics questions posed about Santa Claus by your 5 year old concerning flight trajectory, time space continuums and waist to chimney ratios. This is the five year who can't even count past ten yet.
Everything about Santa Claus (except the movie, 'Bad Santa').
The four hundred charities that find your phone number for the three weeks before Christmas and treat it like a child playing with a new toy regardless of your answer.
Cutting trees down for the purpose of utter embarrassment; Slowly cooking them with 1000 low watt, 'ultra white' bulbs, dressing them in more colors than a $5 whore during a $1000 gang bang and showing them, through the largest window of the house to their outside tree friends, who are laughing at them.

The only thing that makes Christmas special is the look on a child's face on Christmas morn. It makes you forget the rest of the bad things, for about as long as it takes said child to toss the first gift and ask for the next one.

Happy Holidays!