So my latest Neurosis is Baby oil. I noticed my skin was getting dry so I started to put baby oil on it after I showered. At first I thought, skin lotion, but baby oil sounds so much cooler. Thoughts of magical baby extract or age defying oil squeezed from babies comes to mind. Think about it Corn Oil from corn, Sunflower oil from sunflowers, Baby oil from?
I also figure that the ladies out there will actually dig this concept. What's the latest thing lonely middle aged women are into? Vampires! What sounds closer to being a vampire then rubbing crushed baby extract on yourself to keep your skin young forever.
You can all laugh at my neuroses(I do), but any of you that have seen a baby being born, know where I'm coming from. I'm not saying babies aren't cute, just that they aren't initially human. They come out covered in slime and are alive but not breathing. They have scales like reptiles and when their mouths first open, their faces contort and they let out a pterodactyl scream. The nurse takes them out of the room, rubs baby oil on them and BAM! An insanely cute soft skinned human child comes back.
Since starting this regimen, my hair has become noticeably softer. As a dude, the only downside is that my skin has gotten a little too soft. Guess I'll have to go eat some pork rinds and yes, they really are the skin of a pig.
Side note: Since I wrote this last week, I've gotten a zit on my forehead. I haven't changed my diet, so there is only one logical conclusion. The baby oil is working! My face has regressed to my teenage years. Now If I could only find some magical solution like ground kitten or crushed puppy to get the hair on my head to start growing back, I'd be all set.
Dood. I get zits all the TIME. For me, they seem to be associated with lack of sleep, not drinking enough water, stress, and touching my face with my hands; the latter being the biggest culprit of all.
ReplyDeleteI loved: "rubbing crushed baby extract on yourself." ha!
There's no such thing as too soft!