Death Row For Orchids.

When I moved into the co-op, I decided to buy an orchid at Aldi Supermarket. I really didn't decide so much as was told to, by an older woman that was rifling through them. She said they were impossible to kill and I had to have one. Well, this post is my way of telling her, she doesn't know me.

The orchid was beautiful. I want to say I treated it well but I'd be lying. I watered it when I felt like and moved it around a hundred times. For the bad behavior it rewarded me with blooms so exquisite, they would impress the finikyest horticulturalist. Six months into taking care of it, I realized that the flowers were dropping from the stalk. Then came the horror. I must have broken the stalk when putting up my curtains. I quickly Googled the care of orchids and got enough conflicting information to leave me in a state of, “Huh?”.

As I could do nothing but watch the treasured blooms whither away. I decided to buy another orchid. This one was from Trader Joe's. It was beautiful. I put it alongside the first one in hopes that it would somehow magically reach out and heal it. No such luck, the first one, envious of it's new rival, grew amazingly large leaves but refused to bloom. Three months, to the day, the first one started losing blooms. First it was one every two weeks, then it was a mass suicide of browned orchid petals jumping to their deaths.

Again, while at Trader Joe's, I picked up an orchid, a cool looking hybrid one. I decided to put it in a different location, for fear of some orchid disease that had killed the first two. Several weeks later, the third orchid started losing leaves and shoots. I felt responsible, so I bought larger pots and orchid food. After re-potting and feeding, the first two orchids looked really promising and the leaves grew larger and larger. The hybrid looked sadder and sadder, hanging its head in a shame filled demise. After it gasped its last orchid breath, the other two began mourning for it. I fed them again but the positive effect of the first feeding was not indicative of the second. In desperation, I put one out in the sun for a day and the other in a shaded area (some of the conflicting information I had received.). The one in the sun lost most of it's leaves, the one in the shade started browning.

Two weeks ago, the kids and I were at Trader Joe's. I asked them to pick the next orchid to die. After all, we were probably sentencing it to death or at least a non-fruitful life. Sure enough, this weekend, the blooms are slowly dissolving.

Orchids are like people.

Some never have issues and coast through their lives.

Some bloom, hit major setbacks but grow strong and will hopefully bloom again.

Some squander their time in the sun until they wither away.

Some cling to life and struggle to survive with little or no hope.

(If I Could Save) Time In A Bottle.

Certain sayings enter my life and get repeated over and over again.   The recent saying is, “Time in a bottle.”.   After reading a blog with that title, I decided it was time I write something on it.

I've been going through my digital photos again.   So far I have most of the pictures sorted by date and put in folders based on year.  I still have some pre-digital photos to scan but I'll get to those eventually... or I won't.

I Digress.

November, 2002... Sadly, taken with my 4th digital camera and first one with red-eye reduction.  It worked real well... not.

Saving time in a bottle should not be the practice of saving time to create future moments.  It should be the practice of storing moments for later use.   Every picture I look at, the emotions evoked are time I saved in a bottle. I can relive my life, one still at a time, complimented by movies of recollection.

April, 2013

You don't have to worry about saving the time you have when you use your time wisely and store the memories.

Creative Thursday - Looking Into The Mouth Of Madness

Escape(ing) to Normalcy

The early part of my day was spent working, so at 4:00p.m. I decided it was time to clean my Ford. Between road trips, hikes, shopping and various sports trips the Escape had become filled with, well, life.  I started by emptying out my golf clubs and Lizzy's batting trainer.  I continued with my golf shoes, softball glove, bowling bag and a bathing suit.  After five more bags of stuff, it was time to sort through everything and put it out or put it away.  Looking at everything on my living room floor. The task seemed daunting.

I dug in and created piles based on the final destination of the items.  Strangely, a lot of the items were in a, back to the car, pile. I should have expected the distribution, I have two objectives when outfitting my SUV.

1. End of the World... well not really, I just like to think, if there was ever an issue and my Escape was nearby, it could be a make shift ambulance/ survivor center.
2. I've been working on being more spontaneous, sadly in my mind the best way to be spontaneous is to be prepared.

To satisfy objective one, I have...
• three types of sunblock
• two types of insect spray
• two tubes of triple ointment
• four bottles of disinfectant
• baby wipes, flush-able and non
• paper towels
• two classes of power inverters
• four different pain relievers
• AA and AAA batteries
• two flash lights
• re-usable shopping bags
• two sizes of Ziploc bags
• bandages
• bungee and ratchet straps
• a seven year old can of fix-a-flat
• a tire repair kit
• Duct, masking, electrical and packing tape
• an electric inflator
• a case of bottled water
• a box of granola bars
• various tools.

I think out loud, 'Objective one, mission accomplished!'.

Oh, who am I kidding? Complete overkill, Epic Fail.

To satisfy objective two, I have...
• sporting equipment for sports I don't even play
• changes of clothing for trips that range from Tatooine to Hoth, the ice planet
• a can of AXE
• two folding camping chairs
• a book of wedding ceremonies
• a kite
• three gps devices
• an extra pairs of glasses

These things seem to take spur out of spur of moment.

Deep breath... command decision.  I always talk about minimalism.   It's time to practice what I preach.   I move everything from the, back to the car, pile to the put away and throw away piles.

Another deep breath... a moment of meditation... a realization of having a clean car... the world seems right again.

A Great Adventure.

Family is in town and wanted to go to Six Flags Great Adventure.  So yesterday at 4:00p., we crammed into the Escape and off we drove.   On our way there, it started to rain. Entering the parking lot, we watched droves of cars going in the opposite direction.  Walking to the main gate of the park, flocks of people were exiting in the rain.  Seeing the weather radar, we knew the rain would soon stop.  Score!

Today's Forecast, Upward Blue Arrows Thingy and a Fried Egg on the Side!

 For our first ride of the day, we ended up at Houdini's House.  Didn't care too much for it and upon exiting, felt queasy.   My 23 year old mind worried that my 43 year old body may not be quite ready to go on the more severe rides.   Next, my nieces wanted to go on The Dark Knight, a roller coaster. Let's back up a step and start by saying, I love roller coasters.  I've been on coasters around the country and try not to miss an opportunity to ride one.   Let's finish by saying, I hadn't ridden a roller coaster in over 10 years.

Well, my kids and sister-in-law decided not to go on The Dark Knight.  My nieces and I waited on a short line and boarded.   In my mind, a broken record played, 'Was the feeling at the Houdini house a foreshadow? Would my stomach stand up to a real ride?'.  The ride took off and... I felt... Brilliant. My stomach was fine, my mind was fine, my head was fine... not only fine... AMAZING.  Exiting the ride, shadows of my childhood rushed back to me in the adrenalin filled aftermath.

Then, we all went on Skull Mountain, an indoor roller coaster Lizzy kept her head down the whole time. At age 10, she's damn brave but rides still scare her.  I don't remember when I started going on roller coasters but it must have been at about that age.  Next it was time for El Toro, with the highest drop and fastest speed of any wooden roller coaster, it proved to be insane.  It was the most intense roller coaster I had ever been on.  Lizzy rode it like a champ. She kept her head down for most of the ride but as the coaster took the final turn, the look on her face said it all, she enjoyed the rush even if it was scary.  While exiting Emily asked what she thought about it, Lizzy just said, “ I LOV... It was OK.”.

With no wait time at Rolling Thunder and the countless memories of it, I have.  We rode that next. Yes, by today’s standards it is rather tame.   Standing next to El Toro, it may look like a small after

thought.  Yet, to me, it will always be the best roller coaster.   The architecture shows it's pre-computer aided design.   It's clankety uphill and jarring, squealing turns may not appeal to the young riders of today but in my nine year old mind, this was the coaster to end them all.

It was time for Kingda Ka, the tallest and second fastest roller coaster in the world.   This was the ride my youngest niece came to Great Adventure to go on.   My oldest niece was not as thrilled.  Emily wanted to go on it because most people she knows have been on it.  At 45mins., it was our longest wait of the day.   The ride looks and feels like going up in a rocket only to head straight back down to earth.  At 128mph, the 456ft tower is surpassed in a flash of excitement and amazing views.

Yes, I actually put more detail in this post than I had initially planned. I sat down to the keyboard to write on how I hadn't remembered trading in a roller coaster for a golf cart.   As the keyboard lay before me though and it happens often, my brain decided it wanted to go in a different direction.

How Do I Know?

After the post, "D.A.R.E. to tell the truth?”, someone asked me how I know that my oldest daughter doesn't take drugs.  Long answer short, I don't.  Anyone who says they know, for sure, that their kids don't do drugs is lying to themselves.  I'm pretty sure she doesn't and there are no signs that she does.  She did take the D.A.R.E. Program when she was in fifth grade and I'm proud to say I openly and candidly speak to my children about drugs.  Children are not stupid.  I've told mine about how drugs make you feel when you take them and how they make you feel afterward.  I try to give them the perspective I had when I was their age as well as why my opinions have changed.

Some may think my methods of teaching my children about life harsh and that they should be shielded. Giving your child a shield is better parenting than shielding your child.   My kids and I have a solid channel of communication. They trust me, as I have always told them the truth, in return they are open and honest with me.  Do I think my daughter takes drugs?  Knowing her friends and her feelings about them, I doubt it.  Do I think she knows more truth about drugs than most teenagers, her age? 

Definitely.

What can you get for 50 cents? A Lesson.

Fifty cents doesn't seem to get you much these days but when a kid wants to play a fifty cent video game, you can get something.  The kids and I were at Monmouth Museum a couple of weeks ago.  While at the 'American Road Trip' exhibit, Lizzy spied a driving video game.  It was fifty cents and she really wanted to play it.

I really wanted to get a picture of her in a western cutout, they had there, so for fifty cents I got the following shot.

In my day the biggest fear was that embarrassing pictures would be passed around your high school or college.  I hope when my kids are older they read my blog and realize now, thanks to the internet, anything potentially embarrassing or inappropriate will live on in infamy.

Drop Dead Dollar Tree

One of the items I left out of my top ten reasons to shop at dollar tree was their bug spray.   Drop Dead bug spray is not, as it's name would imply, meant to actually kill bugs.   It just kinds of stuns them long enough, for you to get them with a fly swatter.

After spraying a bug and watching it fly around the room for the next ten minutes, as if it were stumbling home from a kegger, I always envision the advertisement for this stuff.  Our competitors may kill them dead but we just get them high enough for you to actually finish them off.  The scene would have a bunch of cartoon bugs sitting around a basement saying, 'Who brought the Drop Dead, now the party can really start.”.  The bugs would then philosophize about flying and stare at the pretty colors of the flowers.   The commercial ends with a flyswatter crashing down on one of the bugs and the rest of them laughing hysterically, “Dude, that is so gonna hurt in the morning.”.

They're Stupid(er) at Math in Oregon State Colleges.

Everyone Loves the word free.  The problem is, more often than not, free is not, well, free. The State of Oregon thinks they have a solution to the rising costs of college loans.  It's called "Pay it Forward, Pay it Back" aka Free College!  Of course their definition of free doesn't sound so free, closer to FREE, Provided you pay for it.  The way this plan is supposed to work, Oregon state colleges will give you free tuition as long as you sign a binding contract to give them 3% of your income for 24 years.

Not sure, but I thought we got rid of indentured servitude in this country a long time ago.  Putting aside a taxation crushing start up cost for this program (est. $9,000,000,000), that will keep tax payers burdened for a quarter century; ignoring that the typical Oregon State student will still pay about $14,000 a year in expenses (The cost of housing, meals and course materials Not Included in your 'free' education.), let's do some 3^rd grade math to help the academic and political morons in Oregon.

I get out of high school and say, “Hey, I don't want to take out a loan for $35,200 (The average amount of college loan debt from the class of 2013 according to Fidelity.).  Instead I want to give my money to Oregon out of my salary for 24 years in return for a degree.".

Assuming, after I go to Oregon State under this program, I make $50,000 a year (averaged over 24 years).

I now give 3%  of $1,200,000($50,000 x 24 years) or $36,000 for my 'free' education.

OK, that doesn't sound so bad. Now, let's say that I don't get a degree in dead languages or horse psychology and instead get a degree that will earn me some real money like $80,000 a year (averaged over 24 years).

I now give 3% of $1,920,000($80,000 x 24 years) or $57,600 for my 'free' education.

OK, not that I'm a rocket scientist, just smarter than the people in charge of our colleges. Let's say I get a college administration job or a political position.

I now give 3% of of $2,880,000 ($120,000 x 24 years) or $86,400. Of course lobbyist and bribe money from book sellers would not be included.  Yes, I know $120,000 is really low based on median salary data for college administrators or politicians but you get the point.

I could even go as far as to say that if you won the lottery, so would the state, as that would be income.

Sadly, this plan is done under the guise of helping poor to middle class families. Instead it creates more of them. No one who plans on making any real money would agree to (or should have to) pay double or more for the cost of their education.  Let's attack the root of the problem.  I hear a lot of people talking about greedy corporations and executives.  Let us focus the microscope back where it belongs and examine the GREEDY colleges/universities and their administrations.

"This is what thinking out of the box looks like...", said state senator Mark Hass, chair of the senate education committee and sponsor of the bill in the senate.  Mark Hass, I can only hope you'll be looking for a job soon. This isn't what thinking outside of the box looks like, this is what not being able to find your way out of a box with the opening in front of you looks like.

D.A.R.E. to tell the truth?

A few weeks ago I went to Lizzy's D.A.R.E graduation. For those without kids, D.A.R.E. is Drugs Abuse Resistance Education. It's a program, done in the schools by the local police, to make children aware of drugs. Unlike the forced, clinical drug education, that we got when we were in school, the program is a voluntary program for fifth graders.

I really love the concept and think the program is needed, especially the work they do to teach the children about resisting peer pressure.

So what are my issues with the program?

My first issue with the program is that it focuses on marijuana and cigarettes. They do delve into alcohol, cocaine and heroine but no crack, no crystal meth, no prescription drugs, etc. My second issue with the program is that they teach the children to ostracize, not help people who have addictions, even alcohol or tobacco. My last and probably biggest issue is the fact, I kept hearing that marijuana kills. It not only came up in some of the skits that the children wrote but also when the police officer was speaking. Scare tactics are fine for short term lessons but to teach children valuable life lessons and then mix in lies is detrimental.

As a child, my parents never really gave me, “The Drug Talk.”. In Phys-ed we learned that drugs would kill you and that was enough until... it wasn't. We saw friends, relatives and other people that took drugs and lived. We watched drugs laid out on tables at parties quickly disappear and no one taking them went insane or died in front of us, in fact... they were enjoying them. The lessons of doom and gloom that scared us, liberated us. If some of what they told us was lies, couldn't the rest also be lies? Some of us experimented and you know what? We didn't die. We progressed and tried more and harder drugs. Not because the earlier drugs were gateways. The gateway was seeking the truth mixed with a dash of rebelliousness cooked in a peer pressure cooker. Through hazed thoughts, we needed to challenge what we were told. We needed to challenge authority. We needed to challenge everything... until we shouldn't have.

We learned that maybe the lies weren't malevolent... just ignorant. In time we found the truth we were looking for. A truth that forced some of us to quit and left others realizing they were unable to. Looking back at the lives that were destroyed and deaths associated with drugs, it's time to shut the gateway and speak honestly and openly with our children. Lies stoke the fires of curiosity in an intelligent mind. Minds that should not be or get wasted.

The (Lack of) Creative Process.

"Divine Writing"

I write a lot of 'blogs' that somehow never make it to the net. The writing process, for me, is often riddled with bad decisions.

In my head it works like this...

1. Sit at my computer and come up with a great idea to write about.
2. Kick the idea around for a few moments, honing it to a cognizant story.
3. Do research on the net if needed.
4. Find a picture that will fit the topic.
5. Write something that will be entertaining, informative or funny.

How it actually happens...

1. Have a funny or political thought while in the shower, in the car driving or while I should be paying attention to something else.
2. Congratulate myself on finding such an awesome topic. I smile to myself and say, “Wow, this is going to be great!!!”
3. Start researching the topic and get distracted by hours of blogs, facebook posts and videos of cats on Roombas.
4. Go through my picture archives for a couple more hours not finding anything that fits the topic. Imagine what picture would be perfect. Realize I can't get to Wales to take a picture of a sousaphone on a mountainside at 1a.m. In the morning.
5. Start writing the first few sentences. Notice I really hadn't thought of how the masterpiece was going to start, continue or end.
6. Save the failed blog under some obscure file name like, “Another.odt”, “Pandoras.odt” or “All Things.odt” because hey, I may never be able to find the one I'm looking for but someday I may actually stumble upon something that inspires me.
7. Put on my headphones, listen to music and figure, screw it.
8. Pick out some pictures I like and write about my last hike.
9. Post the blog and get back to watching Kittens on Roombas.

Creative Thursday: "Dragonfly at the Brook" & "Humming Honeysuckle"

My Top Ten Reasons to Shop at Dollar Tree.

10. Hearing an old woman scream to the person next to her, “How Much Is This?”, after picking up each item.

9. Watching the person next to the old woman cringe and answer for the hundredth time, “It's a dollar! Everything here is ONE dollar.”

 

8. Seeing someone arguing with an employee while actually spending time to return a one dollar item.

 

7. That personal dare to buy an off brand item that probably isn't worth the dollar.

 

6. That brand name item that you totally score for only a dollar(Name brand organic frozen yogurt, I'm talking about you.)

 

5. Spotting a 'savvy' shopper complaining about the performance of a one dollar item, then throwing four of said item into cart.

 

4. As Seen on TV products that have never been seen on TV, excepting of course when inadvertently being placed on top of an LCD or Plasma.

 

3. The ham, fish fillets, cold cuts, steaks, Salmon, Kielbasa and other, 'mystery meats' in the freezer case.

 

2. Non-dairy products disguised as dairy product, i.e. 'Whipped Topping' in a whipped cream can or 'I Can't Believe It's Not Margarine' in a tub.

 

1. The fact that no matter how bad the economy is, I will never run into my ex at a dollar store.