Getting Back On Track.

I was going to bore everyone with my account of going to Lake Takanassee today and the water fowl that I encountered, but after writing it and reading it back, something inside me didn't feel right. I read some of my recent posts and saw that a piece of me was missing from them. The writing had become routine and barring the Artistic Thursday posts, rather foreign to me.

I don't have the whole hang up of keeping things private, I never did. I also don't have the narcissistic need for people to accept me or think I am a great guy. I am who I am. That may be why relationships always end up working against me. People expect people to change. I generally don't. I am a giver and every relationship I've had ended up with me giving up a piece of my soul before I realized I had gone to far and that the other person never went far enough. I'm not saying I can't be a taker, just that I am willing to give to those I care for without resolve which usually ends in expectations that I just no longer wish to deal with.

During some self examination today at the lake, I realized that even after a year of being divorced, I'm not looking for a romantic relationships in my life. I am at peace with myself. Barring fate intervening, I am plan on continuing to enjoy my time to myself, time with family and time with friends. The type of beauty I need in my life right now requires no more than seeing nature in it's majesty or the magic in my children's eyes.

Today I witnessed a heron taking off and flying around until it landed less than thirty feet from me. I'm sure herons take off and land a gazillion times a day, but how many people get to actually see one doing it?  It reminded me of  a cool fall night while I was on a cruise.  I sat on the balcony, fighting sleep, when an enormous shooting star streaked from one end of the sky to the other. I looked at my watch and thought, if tomorrow, I asked all the people on this ship what happened at 11:47p last night, none would have mentioned or even known about the spectacular show of light that I witnessed. People tend to be oblivious to the wondrous spectacles around them. I'm not saying there aren't many other people recognizing the beauty that lies within the confines of their lives. I'm saying that for far too long, I hadn't. My eyes are open now and I don't want to miss a single thing.