Happy Thanksgiving?

Can You Find The Native American In This Picture?

Ah, Thanksgiving, one of my least favorite holidays. I love the family aspect of Thanksgiving, it's the origins of this holiday that confuse me. I think Thanksgiving should be like Passover, you should invite a guest; only the guest should have to be an American Indian. They were invited to the first Thanksgiving. There are several problems with this though. One of them being that the amount of American Indians seen whoring Thanksgiving in ratio to actual American Indians is only trumped by the amount of fake Santa's whoring Christmas in proportion to the real one. Another is that you'd have to lock up the liquor cabinet.

This rule would limit the amount of families celebrating to, oh, six.  How many people actually know any American Indians. No cheating, the guy who owns the Seven-Eleven on the corner does not count. Speaking of which, why are Native Americans even called Indians?
Either:
Some dumb guinea got lost, landed on a whole new continent and because the natives there looked and talked soooo much like people from India, he called them Indians.
or
The natives seeing how well the British treated the real Indians decided it would be a good thing to call themselves.

I digress!

The last time, I even saw a real Native American was about two years ago. He slowly got on his knees, put his ear to the ground and proclaimed, "Me Hear'em Jackpots Comin'.". At least I think he was a Native American, I was at Mohegan Sun Casino at the time and he had a feather headband. Honestly though, what do the Native Americans have to be thankful for? Our great harvest this year? 24-7 casinos that lure stupid people of other races into unregulated gambling? There are some endangered species that have greater numbers than the Native Americans.

So this Thanksgiving, while you are among family and friends enjoying a hearty feast and good times, be thankful and look carefully around the table at the faces you'll see. If this Thanksgiving is like the first, at least one of those faces will eventually con you out of resources, call you names that you didn't want to be called or slaughter you.

Happy Thanksgiving Native Americans.