Tuesday Tip For Living Alone #1 - Talking To Yourself.

Yes, it's time for me to add a new regular topic to the blog.  Tuesdays will now be Tuesday Tip days. Things we do when we live alone and solutions to the many embarrassing moments they may cause.

The first involves talking to yourself. When you live with another person and especially when you have kids, you often feel like you are talking to yourself. When you live alone, no one else is there, so you actually are talking to yourself.  It's really not so bad when you are home alone and no one else can hear. The issues starts when you forget that people think you are one cow pie short of a pasture when they see you spouting out phrases like a schizophrenic-Tourette's victim in public.

The solution to this one is really simple. Go to your local Radio Shack and buy the biggest, wonkenest blue tooth headset you can find. The only criteria is that it is comfortable to wear. If you look like an NFL coach calling plays on the sideline, you bought the right one. Your tech level does not matter, you are not going to connect the headset to a phone anyway. This device is purely a prop to evoke the "Look, Recognize and Ignore Reflex", in outside observers.  That is the reflex by which people...
Look at the stranger they think is talking to them incoherently at the, fill location in here.
Recognize the flashing light and alien device in their ear and realize that the target is really some poor unseen person on the other side of cellular airwaves
Ignore the person completely.

When you go out wearing a headset, people expect you to mumble or talk out loud. Hell, even if you are not living alone, you should try this, it is a whole new level of freedom.

Basically, you can say anything that you would say if there was someone on the other end of the headset.
Don't use statements like, "I Just Kegeled!", after seeing an obnoxious senior citizen getting run over with a carriage while stealing candy out of the per pound bin for an hour and a half.
Do use statements like, "Haaa! That's the funniest thing I ever saw.", when an obnoxious mother who's blue tooth headset, we'll assume is real, quickly hangs up and cries, "I never took my eye's off of him, where is my child?", five minutes after you saw the brat walk out the door to the parking lot.

Next Tuesday, Tip For Living Alone #2.