A Note About HBD

One of my lesser bleached shirts

Dear Readers,

I am a germaphobe. More precisely, I have Hyper Bleach Disorder(HBD). I hike, I swim in pools, lakes, the ocean, I'll even use public bathrooms when necessary. My phobia is when food is involved.

In my younger years, I would not only practice the ten second rule, but perfected the twenty second rule. If food fell on the floor I would have no qualms picking it up and eating it. I licked car door handles for shotgun (for you younger readers that is short for “riding shotgun”, or getting the front seat of your parents car.). I even licked random food items for dibs.

Now I bleach everything in my kitchen several times a week. When people see me in my casual clothes, they think I am a dysfunctional tie dyer. Most of my tee shirts have at least one bleach spot or smear on them, if not more. I also bleach my bathroom, but that's more of a clean and no mold on the tile thing. They say cleanliness is next to godliness, but I spent a train ride to New York City next to a guy who thought he was Jesus. After that experience, I'm not sure how close I want to be.

The root of my HBD comes from when I worked in food service. Anyone who has gone to Board Of Health certification and has seen the movies that they show, can not possibly be comfortable about the food they eat. I wash chicken, fish and steaks from the super market and have a spray bottle of bleach and water to disinfect my kitchen surfaces after each food preparation. I watch food at parties to see how long it is being left out and when in NYC, cringe at the sneeze guards being so high at the serve yourself delis. Strangely, I have developed a sensitive stomach (I blame it on vitamins). I can go to a buffet and be the only one who gets sick.

Am I neurotic? I like to think of it as being safe. I need to go and spray down my cutting board now.

On this one, I just said screw it and bleached it all.