Sensitivity Training.

When I was in corporate America, the company decided to send everyone to sensitivity training. I have several issues with sensitivity training. First, the name, it should be avoid frivolous lawsuit training. Second, everyone wants to be treated equal in the work place, yet equal only means equal in the way they want. Working in an environment with other people requires understanding and compromise. That may mean hearing someone brag about their exploits or a joke that may not meet your sensibilities gage. Barring touching or predatory behavior, what is really offensive enough that it can't be settled by ignoring a person or simply talking it out with them? I find the whole sensitivity training thing offensive, but I'm a white male, so who gives a F@ck about offending me? Which brings up my next issue. What I find offensive may not be offensive to you and vice versa. I don't look over my shoulder before I tell an ethnic joke, I tell it even in front of people who are of that ethnicity. Why? Because excluding them would be racist. My friends understand they are just jokes, some have actually thanked me, in private, for telling them jokes they would not have otherwise heard. I don't scream lawyer every time I hear a joke about men, English people, or blonds(Yes I used to be blond) I laugh at them.

I've heard things said in a work environment that would make a hooker blush. I said hooker, that was not very sensitive, professional woman, Oh wait that's offensive too. How does that work, calling a call girl a hooker is offensive to one group while calling her a professional woman is offensive to another. Ask them that question in sensitivity training and watch them squirm.

So anyway it was time for me and eleven other unfortunate souls to go into this one hour love fest and listen to the rules that they would set before us.

The first thing the sensitivity chick (it's always a woman training sensitivity, shouldn't that be offensive?) says is, “The company does not encourage, but does understand, that due to the amount of hours you work, dating will happen in the workplace.”, OK, maybe I was wrong about this course. She then follows with, “I am here to clarify appropriate and inappropriate behavior. For instance, it is OK to compliment a married woman, about her dress, hair, etc, but not if she is single.”, I let her slide on her harassment of the English language, a married woman can't be single. Unfortunately, I had to ask, “Are you saying we should only be flirting with married women?”. People begin to laugh and she glares at me, “No, it is not for the purpose of flirting, it is just a matter of what is appropriate, just like it is more sensitive to ask if someone is married, than if they are single.”, WTF? I worked in fashion, so there were a lot gay people there, one asked, “What about if your gay?”. The lady thought for a second and said, “You can ask if someone is gay, but it is not appropriate to ask if they are straight.”. So now I really am confused and bored, so it's time for me to F@ck with this lady. I raised my hand and when she acknowledged me blurted out, “Are you gay or married?”, in horror she replied , “NO!”, I then asked, “Wanna go out for coffee after class?”, she didn't even respond, how offensive is that? Instead she immediately called for a break and tromped out of the laughter filled room. As I walked to the coffee machine, I saw the lady frantically talking to the head of HR. Yeah, I thought, I'll probably have to patch things up with my friends in HR later, but this class was turning out to be fun. Fifteen minutes into it and we were already on a break. After coffee we siphoned back into the conference room and the sensitivity chick starts back in again, “ I don't think all of you are getting the points I'm trying to make, we are going to do partner exercises now to clear things up.”. She partnered me up with a coworker we'll call Beth(who I'd worked with for quite a long time and knew had a sense of humor.) The lady tells me to ask Beth out and she will critique along the way.

We Start:

“Hi, Beth are you married?”

“Yes.”

“In that case, you look hot. Are you happily married? If not...”

The lady wigs out and leaves the room. Two minutes later a girl I know from HR comes in and asks me to step out of the class. As I walk by the sensitivity chick, she gives me an indignant look. I couldn't let her win so I asked her, “About that cup of coffee?”. HR girl grabs my arm and pulls me out of the room. I worked for that company for a long time, so she knew me. Holding back laughter she asked me what happened in training. I explain to her, what I'm sure she already knew. She told me it was mandatory and the instructor probably wouldn't sign for me after what transpired. I tell her, don't worry about it, she will.

One week later, when I run into the HR girl, she tells me to her amazement, the sensitivity chick gave me the sign off.

Of course she did. Wanna cup of coffee?