Autumnal Hair

Ok, so how cool is a hair salon? Where else can you go and have somebody cut a part of your body off without any medical training? I made my monthly trip to the the hair salon today. I love going to get my hair cut, which is ironic, when I had a thick head of hair I used to put off cutting it as long as possible.

I went to a chain because I didn't feel like driving to my normal stylist(fancy word for hair cutter) and I hadn't made an appointment. So I get in the seat and the girl asks me the same thing they do every time, “How would you like it?”, now I'm thinking cross between Shia LaBeouf and Harrison Ford, but in reality it's going to be somewhere between Bob Newheart and Rodney Dangerfield. So I tell her my usual response, “Do whatever you think will look good.”, honestly if a young cute girl thinks it looks good then who am I to argue? So she goes right for the meat of the matter with straining trimmer in hand she attacks the jungle to the east, to the west, to the south. Now she is perplexed. She looks at the grassland to the north and asks, "Trimmer or scissors?", I don't know, so I tell her, “I've given up on my hair a long time ago you choose.” Let me stop here and explain my hairline, it starts at my feet and thins out somewhere around my eyeballs, there is a patch of sea grass from a little over my eyebrows which eventually turns into a mane somewhere above my neck and continues back down to my ankles. I look like god grabbed me by the top of my head and dipped me in rogaine, but never thought about the spot under his hand. I never really cared about losing my hair and am not so vain as to use any assanine measure to make it look like I have more than I do. In fact if I were taller most people would probably not even notice I was thinning(denial).

I'm not writing this blog to complain where I don't have hair, though, I'm doing it to complain about the amazing distribution and colors of the hair on my body. My arms and legs have a light coating of blondish shrub. My shoulders are barren plains. My Torso is a two inch tall, light brown, forest of man fur and I'm convinced, when I die, a crazy designer is going to skin me and make some kind of freaky coat. My beard comes in red or brown or a mixture at any given time. I used to let my beard grow, just so I could shave it and get a new color to come in. Of course waiting for my beard does not take long. I'm the type guy who can go from 0 to beard in 2.5 days. I envy people who do not have to shave every day. Hell, I even envy somebody who doesn't get a 2 o'clock shadow.