Before everyone starts cringing and feeling somehow apologetic that I went through a divorce, the end result was not terrible. I'll agree, the day your marriage legally ends, you walk out of the courthouse the worst you have ever felt in life. The love you had, your most important emotion, though masked in other emotions, has been invalidated in front of society and the world.
To the good part; after divorce, you feel a new sense of purpose, you realize the reasons for your divorce and you begin to heal and start your new life. I consider my ex a good friend, I realize we made terrible husband and wife, but really do get along at the friend level quite well and did before the whole marriage thing. There was no infidelity, in our marriage and neither or both of us could be blamed for the action.
The biggest fear we had was the kids. My daughters, 6 and 11, at the time, were our top concern. When we broke the news to them, the younger did not quite understand, but the elder summed up how the rest of us were feeling, ”It's about time!”, she blurted out. I actually think the children have a better relationship with my ex and me since the divorce, they get twice the vacations and much more quality time with each parent.
So now I've been single for a year. Been on several dates and realize moving on was the best course of action. I've learned to like myself again. I've found my inner poet(and he's not very good.) I've reentered society, appreciate my friends more and enjoy the simpler things in life. Next time you hear a friend is getting divorced, offer them support, not sympathy. Sometimes starting fresh needs the helpful hand, not a sorrow filled face of a friend.
People ask, if I could go back in time, would I have changed things. The answer is a resounding NO! I have two beautiful children that I love more than anything and memories that the court can not nullify.
Every footprint from a journey, leads to where you are standing today.
My parents got divorced and I always felt like it was for the better. They're both much happier without each other and we no longer had to listen to them fighting all the time. They are wonderful towards each other now and I have a lot of respect for them in the way they handled their divorce. I certainly hope that my marriage doesn't turn sour, but I've seen how divorce can be a very good thing for a family. I totally understand what you're saying.
ReplyDeleteWhen your married, you can't worry about divorce or it turning sour, the trick is to head off the issues early, together. If both partners work hard at a relationship, it, is hard for it to fail, but if one does not, it is impossible for it to succeed.
ReplyDeleteDuring my marriage, I would have said my ex's parenting skills were on the lacking side. Post divorce, she has become an excellent mother. I truly believe she has spent more quality time with the children in the last six months than she had during the rest of their lives. Now, my daughters have a better female role model in their mother and all it took was for me to sacrifice the most precious thing I have, time with my children.
The bright side is that the amount of time does not correlate directly to the amount of memories.